#im not gonna be able to talk for two days minimum.

[deadhoneybee]

Photos of conan gray you havent seen bc i just took them lmfaoooo

Im fr cracking up actually i love this photo so much he looks so angry and silly but he was just telling us to sing along <3 jokes aside this was incredible and im a changed person.

[livwritesstuff]

Heyoo

I am back again because your umiverse is living rent free in my head all the fucking time, and Im not mad the slightist

I have been recently thinking about the time when Robbie got into an accident in Florida and Steve and Eddie rushed down to see her.

I am just really curious to know if you ever thought about expanding more of the story? Because I would be really interested to read about Eddie going full on protecting mode and Steve sleeping next to Robbie on nights when she just needed to be held.

Its totally cool if you dont want to Im just really fond of these comforting moments beetween the dads and the girls ❤️

Hello <3 apologies for the delay I was giving this one some extra thought (and then I got sick but whatevs)

I actually was also thinking about this recently.

I definitely think that the Florida situation would be an absolute worst moment for Steve and Eddie as parents because it was the closest they ever got to losing one of their kids (see these two posts for context if you’re new here).

Like, Moe’s had all kinds of injuries from playing sports – sprains, broken bones, concussions, a dislocation or two, the works – and Hazel’s had a few long-term overuse injuries from her years doing ballet (her knees, most notably).

This though, a late night phone call reporting that their fifteen-year-old daughter is in the ICU in critical condition…they really have no words.

Steve manages to hold himself together better than Eddie, at least at first (it wouldn’t be the first time he’s pushed all his emotions down for the sake of getting through a shitty situation).

Eddie is a wreck during their travel down to Florida, switching between threatening to kill the kid who’d been driving the car and threatening to sue the shit out of the school for allowing the whole situation to happen to begin with.

(Steve’s pretty sure they’re gonna land somewhere in the middle – more like suing the living daylights out of the kid’s parents at a minimum).

So Steve’s a little preoccupied making sure Eddie doesn’t turn into the murderer people thought he was thirty years ago (plus, he’s pretty sure that Eddie’s threats to bribe the pilot into speeding up the plane are a joke to ease the tension but…not completely sure).

He’s still doing okay as they’re making their way through MCO, especially since by then they learn that Robbie’s condition had leveled off while they were in the air – she’s stable.

Asleep still, but stable.

His resolve starts to shake a bit at the hospital, because they’re met with staff from Robbie’s school and police officers and all kinds of other people who seemed under the impression that he and Eddie will want to stand around and talk about what happened to their daughter before they even see their daughter. They tell them to kindly fuck off, please and thanks, obviously.

When they’re finally able to see Robbie, all bets are off because Steve gets one look at her and his mind immediately goes all the way back to 1986, to seeing Eddie lying in a hospital bed in awful shape, and Robbie is so much like Eddie in so many ways, ways that Steve loves and ways that driving him completely insane, ways that scare the shit out of him sometimes (clearly for good reason because look where they ended up).

Plus, Steve’s been through this before – the moment he thought he was gonna watch Dustin get eaten by demodogs, the moment he realized Max had been Vecna’d, and no offense to Dustin and Max but it’s a billion times worse when it’s his own kid, and Robbie may like to act all tough these days, but to Steve she’s still got that same sweet face, the same big blue eyes as the day she was born, so it’s like a switch is flipped.

Steve holds it together enough to not freak Robbie out more than she already is, but Eddie knows Steve better than Eddie knows himself, probably, and there was no way in hell he was going to let his husband, the love of his life, live out his worst nightmare in real time just to talk with a goddamn school chaperone about it right after.

Eddie manages to hold off the masses until Robbie finally woke up, but they start getting pushy after that and he doesn’t want to stress Robbie out so he gives in, ducks out into the hall to talk with the nurses and school staff and police officers about the car accident that put Robbie in the ER to begin with.

It’s not a role Eddie usually fills – the rational one, the one who takes care of shit. In their relationship, that’s usually Steve because Steve likes it that way. He likes taking charge of all the boring, tedious, “administrative” aspects of their life together so that Eddie doesn’t have to, but the thing about being life-long partners with someone is being able to switch up those usual roles when it’s needed.

And in this moment, it’s definitely needed.

So Eddie’s dealing with the paperwork, filing the police report, getting a hold of their lawyer, sending updates back home to Robin and Nancy, asking questions about any medical stuff he doesn’t completely understand because the nurses really are there to help, while Steve stays with Robbie, holding her close and keeping up a quiet spiel of idle, nothing-talk because, as the nurses said, she's gonna be groggy for a little while.

They lose track of how much time they actually spend in the hospital before Robbie is finally discharged, but leaving poses new challenges, because Robbie’s still in pretty rough shape, obviously, and they also didn’t exactly bank on Robbie being afraid to be in a damn car, Jesus H. Christ.

Steve clocked it before Eddie (duh – trauma counselor), because they’d been talking about their travel plans to get home and Robbie had been asking all kinds of oddly specific questions about the drive from the hospital to the airport that eventually had Steve pulling Eddie into the hall and saying, “Okay, so she’s afraid to get in a car.”

(Again, Jesus H. Christ)

[sugar-omi]

okay, so i've been doing some thinking. i've been scrolling through your blog and i stepped upon these "cheating on cove with Baxter and the other way around" scenarios. (i'm sorry, i wasn't able to read them, my heart couldn't take it ;-;) but!

what if mc was like, in a normal relationship with Baxter. you know, a couple, maybe married later and stuff, while of course still being besties with Cove. later mc and Baxter have a kid together, maybe still a small baby but! plot twist! Baxter gets into an accident or something and dies. (i'm sorry, he's my favourite man but i had to kill him for that scenario:'))

mc is completely devastated and also a little panicked, because what about the baby? and then Cove stepps in, deciding to help his best friend take care of the little one and basically becomes its father. i recently watched a video of a dog "helping" a cat take care of her kittens, and there you have it.

this one may be boring, so feel free to ignore, but i can't stop thinking about it.

ITS OK<333 I figured some ppl didn't read it bc angst n pain</3 trust me I skip over angst all the time

(I even have the tag blocked😬 sorry angst writers but I will read it and not be the same for months, I read a kiribaku angst fic years ago, and was devesated for 4 months afterwards LMAO)

okay i... I cannot expand too much on this bc OUCH

(eta now that I've finished. who am I fooling? I rlly said that like I haven't wrote a whole novel 💀 anyway <3 this clearly made me pop off more than I thought I would bc I read this at first n was devastated!!! I had no words!!!! well clearly I found them LOL)

ALSO BORING??? ANON PLEASE.. BORING WHERE<///3

n im gonna fix the format later but for now here is the bare minimum. I'm going to bed rn so nini everyone enjoy a bit of angst I promise its fluffy as well<333

tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

p/n = parental name, since I wanted to leave flexibility for all the readers here <3

but anyway yeah cove would so step up for you

will follow you to the end of the earth and do whatever you need to help you work through this and to adapt to this sudden and unfortunate change

if/when your relationship starts becoming something romantic, cove would absolutely put the brakes on everything and you'd go so slow...

I imagine he'd probably move in with you or you with him, and he'd stay somewhere else (if you're living in his house he will leave anyway, he's a gentleman like that fr) so that way you can figure out if it's not just bc he's doing all these things n you're mistaking admiration for love

you'd spend the first year going super slow, as if you've never known each other before

which technically you haven't, since you've never dated before. but cove would go so far as to find out your favorite color, song, animal, food.. all over again, even though he has it memorized and knows your likes better than his own.

once cove is sure you're ready for this (after much talk between the two of you and even with your therapist that yes you've made enough progress and are emotionally ready for this) does he finally put a label on it

now if you get married...

I imagine cove won't propose at all

like I think you'd have to talk n almost beg him...

in that case he would do a small but grande gesture to propose. or he'd propose to you before you've even left the bed for the day... no inbetween

but like 8 times outta 10, you're gonna have to propose to him

he'd cry and hug you n say yes of course.

and unless you want to keep this outta your wedding, I think cove would include baxter in your wedding.

first, ofc you'd have the picture to honor his memory

but I think he'd even go so far as to have smth in his vows. but to start, he'd say smth like:

"I know the reason we became closer was unfortunate, but I'm so happy to be able to call you and [Child] my family. and I hope I can be a good father and husband"

and "baxter will always have a place in our hearts. even though he and I didn't get along at first (watery chuckle)... I'm glad he got to love you, and I hope he trusts me to love and cherish you the same way as well.."

also if you don't want to give up your wedding ring from baxter, I think cove would even go so far as to suggest combining it with his.

!!! omg I was gonna say your and baxter's wedding bands would be black, but I have another idea

okay now, for YOUR bands, I imagine they're either black or silver and yk those infinity(?) bands? that has the 2 types of metal or whatever

that's what cove would suggest doing. and if you are worried abt people asking why your bands are different, he'd get the same twisted band but silver with say a black diamond or smth. just smth to make it look like it's intentionally different colors but same design or smth

(im overthinking a bit but it's an idea right?! I'm not crazy??<////3)

or if you don't wanna do that, I imagine you can just slip it on a necklace or leave it as is, whatever you want. he wouldn't mind even if you kept wearing it, cove would never ask you to get rid of baxter's image or memory in any way, not unless it was a real problem and your attachment to him/his things was unhealthy anyway.

now for baxter's band... well if you didn't bury it with him, I imagine you'd give it to your child

another thing I think you could do w your wedding band as well, and give them both your bands to do whatever they want with. or if they don't want it of course you're not forcing them to keep it

even though they didn't get to know baxter, the way you and cove still cherish baxter's memory does help them feel something of a connection.

I also imagine baxter would take lots of photo n video w the kid, even though they're young n just a babe, theres so many videos of baxter looking n acting so loving w them

and even a couple where he's teary-eyed n all "imma do you right by you. I love you so much.."

of course, if the kid doesn't feel that connected to baxter since they were too young to know or rmbr anything, and they don't feel anything much other than sympathy and the occasional sting when they see how much baxter loved them, you don't force it.

you both know that baxter was basically a stranger to them and even though they still respect baxter and he has a place in their heart, they don't feel like they're lacking anything.

"I don't really know what to say.. or how to feel... I see how much [P/N] misses you sometimes, and we have pictures of you, and they talk about you and stuff...

but I don't feel like im missing a dad. I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings, I wish I knew you too. sometimes I wish you were still here, so I got to know you as well, even though I'm still happy to have dad cove for my dad.

I just wanna know what you were like. I wanna experience what you were like. I... I wanna miss you like everyone else misses you too...

anyway, just know that dad is great! he takes care of me and [P/N] really well! he makes breakfast in bed, and he does/used to do this thing where he lifts me in the air before bed! he's so cool. I see how he makes [P/N] happy as well, so don't worry. although, [P/N] said you always thought cove was reliable and a good guy so maybe you aren't worrying anyway.

well... that's it I guess. i hope ill get to know you one day, and maybe you can tell me you're glad to see dad took good care of us. goodbye,

baxter."

pa."

cove happily listens to anything they have to say on how they feel abt baxter btw. he accepts any of their feelings, be it that they don't feel anything at all, sympathy for others, or they feel sad abt losing him.

if they do say smth like how even though it's unfortunate and they feel bad for everyone who mourns baxter (for example/especially you), they see cove as their dad and don't feel like they're missing anything and they're happy to have cove for their dad.

ofc he cries n hugs them n tells them he loves em and he's happy n he comforts them if needed of course

I also think cove is very scared abt being a father

especially in this way... even if the kiddo doesn't remember anything, or it's hazy at best, he worries about replacing baxter.

he'd probably worry abt not living up to baxter

baxter was always much more mature, at least it seemed that way most times. cove just worries about if he has the backbone and the ability to parent the child well and be someone they can look up to and/or appreciate for being a good father

cries if they call him dad btw

if they do it before you start dating, I imagine it's one of the catalyst that cause you to talk abt your feelings for each other. or if it's in the early stage..

cove prbly freezes and runs away to the other room n freaks out, definitely cries. if you don't talk to him like right after he calls his dad n cries n shares his worries n fear

either way, when you do talk he's biting his nails n trying not to pace around the room and he's like "if you wanna distance yourselves so that they don't call me dad any more I totally understand, I mean idk it's prbly weird for you-"

n he just rambles. like none of it makes sense n u have to physically shut him up. kiss him, yell, throw a pillow, hit him w the child's stuffed animal, throw a single lego brick at his back and watch him fall to the floor like he just got a nuke thrown at him

if it's later on n theres nothing to worry abt bc youve talked abt this or saw it coming or its just the otherwise most natural step, he cries of course

but he doesn't fall apart from being his in the back w a single fucking Lego as if it hurt 🙄🙄🙄🙄 (I hate this man he's DRAMATIC)

well... actually no he does

hit him, kiss him, hug him, run him over w a hotel wheels truck.... he just cries harder

adopts them like immediately basically

I imagine you do it soon, like maybe before the wedding just so that way you can have a private moment (just to save him some embarrassment from ugly crying in front of your families. in fact he just might faint fr)

n you + the kiddo surprise him w adoption papers (depending on how old the babe is at this point, they have like no idea what's going on but they know that cove is now officially recognized by the whole world (even by the unicorns n wizards n warlocks) as their daddy))

imagine laying in bed w cove n the kid in between you two

and when you wake up, cove is alrdy awake and was watching you two. he was petting the kids wild hair and he had pulled the two of you in and kept you under his arm..

and the sunlight is coming in, the day is just perfect. n the look on cove's face is full of so much love but also a bit somber this time

(cove feels awkward being here like this sometimes. during times like this you have to remind him it's okay, and you pull him back in. of course he does the same for you on those days.)

"I love you two. so much..." he whispers, tears sticking to his lashes

the kid flips over, curling into cove and they stop their sleepy mumbling now that they're tucked into cove's chest, feeling warm, happy, and safe.

you whisper equally as tender. "we were meant to be like this too."

also!! smth I just thought of...

imagine the kid looks mostly/very much like baxter. they act very much like cove's kid

like you would think cove n baxter had a kid together LOL

(if the resemblance is too much, they ask if you're the step parent </3 pls Ik it may not make sm sense but I just think it'd be so fuckin funny)

[joelletwo]

OKAY. caught up blog post. one more shift i couldnt get out of tomorrows rip its w my Other single coworker who works one day a week so i havent met her. ANOTHER day in a small office w someone i dont know. ive met so many ppl this week and i remember like three of their names and faces. i have already imprinted on one southern mom who bent down and tied my shoe for me and shittalked another coworker for ten minutes in front of me. i had one bad one good and one unclear interaction w the guy im actually doing work for (not my boss). i am tempted to immediately give in and say what my job is bc i confirmed a tumblr meme w my own eyes today.

um. um. um. the work is great i love the work. i have talked to my actual factual boss like maybe two sentences since i interviewed with her. my normal single coworker is fun but dangerously um. old white rural lady lol. i gotta keep her off certain topics. my roommates mom works in this building and i keep seeing her name on my work but may or may not ever meet her. im finally learning my way around the building so i can stop asking five ppl minimum every day for directions (everyone very sweet to me). hilariously i got lost on my way out the door yesterday and once shown the right exit i ran into ppl who needed directions luckily to the single place i learned and remembered how to get to that day lol.

theres zero signal in the building and i dont know whats gonna get me in trouble to browse on the work computer lol so ive just been reading my book. so much of my book. that im not able to liveblog u___u

[sophiethewitch1]

hiii! it's me again, your also fellow bare minimum supporter haha. unfortunately, ever since i sent that ask to you –it seems my own country is digging its own grave on it's own. uni is not only stressful but now i have to focus that i probably need.... to plan things out because,,,, things are not doing great? i have been researching more of the social issues in the world and there are two or three which kinda relates to my nation TT

dick and reader awkwardly talking with each other reminds me of those dogs who didn't how properly interact w/ a extrovert dogs because they are sooo social disaster. im giggling and all because I just know dick would flounder so bad in talking —it's a disaster bound to happen shhehwhwhw. it will be entertaining for sure, embarrassing yes, but fun! hshshshaha

but, hey, take your time writing! sometimes, words don't come out as easily, and it's fine for you to take your time and rest! have a lovely day to you <333

No dude you are sooooooooo correct dick is so nice and sweet and reader is just sweating a mile a minute desperate to be free from the confines of social interaction. she is a shaking chihuahua at her core

also thank you for waiting :') im getting back into the swing of things but i was so sick for a while it was just.... ughhh..... and you have a lovely day as well!!!

(also yeah, things around the world are seeming worse and worse... australia being involved in arms deals with isreal really disgusts me but all you can do is lobby and if physically able protest... and donate which im actually doing today!! gonna donate 50 bucks to the pcrf https://www.pcrf.net/ which if anyone reading this can, should check out too!! even if its only a dollar or two, any help counts!!!)

[carmenized-onions]

CHAPTER 9 LETS FUCKING GOOOO (get ready for a yapfest, where most of it will probably be uncomprehensible because language can’t begin to capture the emotions your writing makes me feel) also !! add me to the taglist please and thank you<3

It is t-minus three days, until the worst Friday of your life. - already nervous and the chapter just started but fuck it we ball

you figure it’s probably just the breakfast from yesterday at La Mattina settling in your stomach— the way you scare me but still make me laugh

He does not care this much, he doesn’t even have basic reading comprehension— RICHIE HELL YEAHHHHH (and he calls her cousin🥹)

also big shout out to you author for making it so clear which texts were sent by what person (so how her texts are cursive and richie’s texts are bold) bc some fics make it so hard to differentiate who’s talking/texting!!<3<3

daddy - POR QUE. i know he didn’t mean it like that but shshshdh

See u chip - this is the cutest nickname!! everyone in that poll can fight me idc idc

It’s time to eat a whole freezer cake and lay in your pyjamas all day and interact with not a single soul on this entire planet. - me celebrating doing the bare minimum!! (but it’s still huge to me so i understand chip well)

To the air, more accurately, but, y’know, same thing. - [cries in norwegian]

You’re gonna get dinner, with Richie, this Friday. - OMGGGG HINTS FOR FRIDAY👀👀

THE SWITCH OVER TO CARMEN HELL YEAHHHH - fuckn delicious freezer cake for you author!!

He really needs his sister. - 🫶🏼 i feel like this is layered (like the carmenized onion)

you’re gonna work as a bottle girl for the rest of your life - his worst nightmare fr, worse than the restaurant closing actually

he’s never gonna get his shit together so he’s never gonna get to call you his - SHUT UPPP HOW COULD YOU DROP THIS ON ME😭😭

He’s still gonna be him - BABYBOY THATS NOT A BAD THING😭 LET ME PROTECCCC

Sisyphean nightmare - YOUR WAY WITH WORDS I LOVEEEE IT

He smells your shampoo, in his hair, that helps. - the way your chapters always make me cry from either the fluff or the sad

he has to hide his smile with his hand - THEM

So good to him, too good to him. Too good to anyone - 😭💓🫶🏼😭🫶🏼😭💓

Carmen so, so fucking desperately wants to ask you to come to The Bear, right now. - BALEGDEH

he knows it’d be perfect cannon fodder to be teased into oblivion. - NO BC LIKE IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS *A LOT* WHAT WILL RICHIE THINK OF CARM AND CHIP. Like thinking of how he and mikey acted at christmas after seeing claire makes me wonder how he’d act when finding out about carm and chip (also carm is only able to date girls with c names apparently <even tho chippy is a nickname but hush>)

looks to his best friend - 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

he’s not you. - LMAO

he can’t find your repair expenses anywhere on here. - OOOP CHIPPY IS ABOUT TO GET CAUGHT

“I’m not fuckin’ high, cousin—” - ISBRIFBRIRKR

also bet carmen doesn’t have a problem with the two hours when it means TWO HOURS OF CHIP IN HIS RESTAURANT WHERE HE CAN SNEAK GLANCES AT HER

“What’s uh— Why d’you call Tony ‘Chip’?” - the way you’re nailing his voice!!

“S’ not dark, kinda, it’s just, y’know. Personal.” - WAY TO BUILD TENSION AUTHOR. it’s very clear you’re a(n amazing) screenwriter

Mikey got to do that first, too, eh? - STAPH

he's willing to admit it, for you. - RICHIE AND CHIP BESTIES YEEEHAWWWW

“You really wanna fuckin know, huh?” Richie tilts down his head, teasing. - i love this

“Oh, fuck, you fuckin’ like her, don’t’chu, cousin? You fuckin’ dog.” - SKJDIDJFKD

Y’have my blessing. - CUTE

“Didn’t ask for it.” - CUTER

“Don’t gimme no talk back, she was my boy first, a’right?” - CUTEST (ok carmy is cutest but im doing a thing here)

“Gone, cousin.” - it’s cute that you think that richie!! have a cookie!!

“Uh, one sec, I just need to finish this fuckin’—” He shakes his hand in the air, “Whatever the fuck this is.” - again nailing his character

If he had a… lapse in behaviour, and it got back to you, would that ruin him? - you forget how she met you carm, having a meltdown in the freezer

He needs to find your invoice. - he’s so cuteee

Maybe he should just ask you, instead. Let Nat thank you for the heating pad she’s been loving, properly. Have dinner, all together, in an actual family home, instead of just each other's apartments. That'd be nice. - that’s so sweet but i fear it won’t happen, at least not YET

He’ll make you something off menu, on Friday. - HES THE SWEETEST

You’re coming before the rush, anyways, he’ll have time to play, on Friday. - 👀👀👀

He’s gonna do right by you, this Friday - he owns my heart

But right now, it’s Thursday night, and you’ve finally finished Carmen’s piece for The Bear - OMG I FORGOT ABOUT THIS MASTERPIECE, THE CUTEST GIFT EVER

You know you told him if he didn’t like it, he didn’t have to put it up, but admittedly, if he doesn’t like it, you will be crushed. - mood

Each square a snippet, a photo transfer. The squares themselves are messy, sun damaged, bleach stained, light flared. All twinged blue and yellowish. But so perfectly cut and curated. - the way you make it so easy to picture it, ugh we stan!!

Mikey. The only transfer completely unbleached, unaltered, unruined. He’s holding two cut outs. One, Food & Wine and the other, a small section in the off off off pages of the New York Times. - SHUT UP THATS THE CUTEST THING EVER TO EXIST

So so proud, silently, just with you— Couldn't look soft. Carmen does not know this photo exists. - Im gonna cry

You can only imagine the stress you could’ve eased, during their fire safety test - chip is such a slay

*the piece* is magnificent and perfect in every way and you did that!!

You took inspiration from the way his brain works - AWWWWW:3

He’s awfully inspiring. - the love that they have for each other is just everything. they are everything

You’re excited, to show this to him tomorrow, on Friday. Hopefully all goes well, on Friday. - EVIL

You’re gonna do right, by Carmen, on Friday. - SOULMATES🫶🏼

I almost briefed over all of these past few chapters to be nothing more than snippets in a chapter - i really really REALLY appreciated that you did in fact not do that

if you made it through this whole ask, god fnkn bless, looking forward to the master’s thesis i’ll write in your askbox after the next chapter

I had no idea people could make asks this long; like i mean on a character count level-- Did anyone know you could do this fr-- ANYWAYS I WANNA YAP BACK BUT I'M GONNA PUT A KEEP READING BUT PLEASE DO OPEN THIS THERE'S GONNA BE A POLL I WANT YOU CUTIES TO ANSWER

First of all, of course I will add you to the taglist, thank you for the gift of an essay everytime, i love u <3

I am ALL about Fear and Laughter. If I ever make business cards, that'll probably be the tagline. We ball.

It did make me laugh that you went RICHIE HELL YEAH after 'he doesn't have reading comprehension. I buried the lead on who the he in question was on purpose, and i was wondering if everyone would clock at that line immediately oh, it's richie. I'm so mean.

As for texting, I did read another person's fic and saw they put like screennames and sending times and i was like ah fuck, shoulda done that, but continuity,,,, so i didn't switch it up. Plus I enjoy thematically that Tony is italics, Carmen is italic/bold, and Richie is bold. I feel like it just kinda makes sense, character wise, that Tony and Richie are on either end of the spectrum and Carmen is inbetween.

They've gotta get an HR if Richie says daddy to anyone's face besides Tony frfr,

And THIS is where the new poll comes in, because you all SAY YOU WANNA FUCKIN KISS MIKEY, SO

Personally I do like Chippy a lot, not to colour your opinions. You'll see why i like it, eventually. And I'm sure when that happens we'll talk about it ad fuckin nauseam (and I'll eat it up, I will)

I love doing Carmen's perspective, it's like free therapy, realizing the way he and I both think is fucking crazy and I need to relax. He really does need his sister, poor bug. I genuinely do wonder how that's gonna be handled, in season 3.

HIS LITTLE STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS PANIC YESSIRRR, Bottle Girl Tony = Hell, Never gonna actually date Tony = Mega Hell, He's Still Gonna Be Him = Super Awful Ultra Hell

So many (2) people enjoyed Sisyphean nightmare, I think I just have tumblr accent, honestly.

I'm so glad, that the shampoo thing happened honestly. I know that's crazy to say it like that, as the writer, as I planned it, but i didn't think I'd be able to call back to it all that much-- But I get to call back to it so fucking much, and it's always either heartbreaking or adorable, or both, and I lovveee both.

The idea that anyone has been thinking about a plot line that has yet to arise alot is like-- Like my brain melted. Like that's so. I'm a puddle. Puddle in your hands. BUT YES, I did have to think on that absolutely. It's a weird line to tow, right? Because Richie's gotten more respectful since then, and he's actual friends with Tony-- But like,,, bro is still a bro, at the end of the day.

CHIPPY IS ABOUT TO GET CAUUGGHTTTT, thank god someone laughed at the I'm not fuckin high line, I was worried.

“What’s uh— Why d’you call Tony ‘Chip’?” - the way you’re nailing his voice!! Did you see my ask saying i'm never sure about Carmen's dialogue and are now trying to reassure me? It's working, if you are.

WAY TO BUILD TENSION AUTHOR. it’s very clear you’re a(n amazing) screenwriter Daww, too nice to me, it IS really how I think Richie would navigate this Chip story, though, you'll see why there's,,,, pause about it, eventually.

“Gone, cousin.” - it’s cute that you think that richie!! have a cookie!! Listen, we don't KNOW how many times Tony's listened to Wannabe by the Spice Girls. Probably would need more than a single word though, Rich. A touch dramatic, cousin.

All Tony and Carmen wanna do this Friday is impress each other, and that's totally exactly what's gonna happen idk what y'all are buggin abouttttttt

I'm so glad folks like the piece, i was worried I explained it bad/it's just kinda stupid-- I just felt like, Carmen doesn't give abstract art vibes. I felt like photography worked a lot better for him. It also gave me the opportunity to slip in more Mikey, of which I think he is mentioned literally at least once every chapter. Bro is the phantom in the pages. i adore him.

I am also very glad that I didn't end up doing just snippets from the Consultation chapter to now. I was worried they'd give off filler vibes, when turned into full on chapters, but looking at them all now, i'm like it would've been an insane injustice to not give them all full breathing room. And now i think there's a lot more to sink into and give a fuck about!! Which is gonna make Friday hurt all the more <3

Anyways, thank you thank you for yapping, and i seriously need to go the fuck to sleep fuck i'm gonna be so groggy for work i'm gonna NAP ON THE BUS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME!!!

[greydiminishing]

Jan 20, 2024

Since my last writing about two and a half weeks ago, I've packed up, moved 6 hours away to school, unpacked and moved in, and had a whole week of classes! Well almost whole, it was a 4 day week.

I am doing,, just okay. I am so excited to be back on campus and in school. But I feel super behind since I've failed so many classes previously, and took basically 3 semesters off. I'm essentially a 22 year old 3rd year. I've been a student in this school for five years. I was supposed to graduate this year, but I have two more years left, at minimum. Some of the kids I have classes with were highschool freshmen when I was a college freshman. I feel self consious and ashamed about that.

I also feel like i'm already behind in some classes after only two actual class sessions (tues/thurs and wed/fri classes). I didnt get as much studying done as I would've liked in those five weeks that i time blocked (But getting into time blocking was definitely worth it, thats helping me so much).

I haven't had to do any actual math in TWO YEARS. I celebrated taking the "last math class of my life", completely forgetting that I need to take a calc-based physics class. Now im struggling in class to find the sides of a triangle with sohcahtoa 😭 If i don't glue my eyeballs to khan academy i'm gonna be a wreck trying to integrate and find derivatives.

And one class has an "Assignment 0" which is just downloading and setting up all the software we're gonna be using, and just trying to clone my gitlab repository took me several hours to figure out.

All the deadlines and assignments and quizzes and project dates has my head spinning. One class requires you to upload your notes to the lecture video before every single class (m/w/f class, so 3 times a week), and its something like 10% of your final grade. Idk i just think thats stupid lol. And I can't help but write notes differently when i'm concious of the fact that someone else will be reading them :/

But I will be studying hard, and getting stuff done early as to not fall behind.

That was academics, now onto my roommates.

I was placed in a random campus apartment with 3 other roommates. We each have our own room, but share the living room and kitchen. They're nice and i want to be their friend so bad, but I'm so socially awkward and i don't know how to make friends 😭. The thing is, I'm coming into "their" apartment mid-academic year, and thats only because their other friend moved out for an internship or something, so I got put in the vacant room. They're already a little friendgroup, the three of them plus the friend that moved out which they're still in group chats with. They might've even know each other before living here, they seem pretty close.

They're not intentionally excluding me or anything, but everytime i'm chatting with them it feels so awkward, and when I go back to my room and I can hear their fun conversations finally ignite. They talk about their mutual friends, and their parents, and plans to roadtrip. Then I go back out to fill my water bottle or make tea or something, mostly an excuse to join their conversation, and the conversation goes back to quiet and polite. I know I act the same way around new people as well, so its not their fault, but I dont know what to do, how to get around this. I heard them from my room talking about anime, and I so badly wanted to join them, but I didn't know how to do so naturally without creeping them out like I was eavesdropping their convo the whole time. You can only go fill your waterbottle so many times.

Its already the end of week 1 and i've barely talked to them. I'm afraid if we don't get more friendly soon, as time progresses, we'll get more stuck in the same routine and we'll only be able to be awkward and quiet around each other for the rest of the semester. I want to suggest we order some food tonight and maybe watch a movie, but idk is that weird? To suggest out of nowhere and not really knowing them? And theres no TV so we'd have to watch on someones laptop. Aughhhh idk. Plus I really need to get started on all this work i already have. Maybe i'll suggest it next weekend.

I'm already planning on making cookies for everyone tomorrow. A freshly baked cookie is the way to friendship, surely?

[kaidatheghostdragon]

This is all so perfect, how do you add to this?

Well, first thing, when batman is in the lab, before danny passes out, he gets some very overwhelming emotions over the fact that: 1) desiree must have left the bats' memories intact, 2) they rushed over to amity to rescue him literally as fast as they were able to.

Danny is gonna be very teary-eyed and quivering face when he sees batman storm into his field of view. First thing he says before passing out? "Think i could use a hug right about now, B."

Because by the ancients, bruce remembered what danny wished for, he was gonna remember what bruce wished for with his last vestiges of consciousness.

The supers are gonna be so confused until they get the full story, and soon danny's intro to the batfam is gonna be the talk of the superhero community for *months.* did bruce wish a godling meta child into existance? Did danny really play cuckoo so convincingly that the bats were smitten even after the magic wore off? The bats arent telling any more than the bare bones minimum outside of their closest circle (the supers, the flashes, and a couple others.)

And danny's powerset? They're still having arguments, and now it's a challenge. Nobody is allowed to ask danny at this point. It's the principle of the matter. Danny eggs them on, referencing events in the past that never happened (dont you remember? We did the full powerset checklist when you confronted me about being Phantom.), even contradicting himself (y'all might be detectives, but i swear i'd still be hiding my alter ego if i hadnt just straight up told you while you were all trying to train up my "civilian self defense" when i first moved in with you guys.)

Jack and maddie are rotting in justice league custody wondering how phantom managed to summon and brainwash the batfam into rescuing him. Thats some top-tier ghost bullshit from their perspective.

Sam and tucker debriefed the bats on how everything went down in AP during the two months. Im sensing space for a redemption arc for valerie that gets completely erased and negated, but i love valerie too much to do that to her. I just want her on the same team for once, dammit. Either i retcon that she keeps her memories too (maybe she was wearing fenton fones at the time the wish was undone?), or she was friendly with the team before the two months started and is *very upset* that she didnt keep her memories like sam and tuck once she's informed of what happened.

Then again, having a negated redemption arc could be interesting. If fenton fones are immune to ghost magic, the team may have figured out how to make a computer database with the same properties. If tucker checks their ghost files to find that all the security footage and giw intel he collected from the two months was still there, they just have to piece together a timeline of val's redemption arc to show to her. Might still take some convincing, but the batfam and justice league are here validating sam and tuck's story, so they cant be making it up wholesale, right?

Also, the bats are gonna want that tech for themselves. Tucker is basically a shoo in for bat/jl tech support and has just been set up for life. Sam and val arent going to allow themselves to be pushed aside either. Both will make strong cases for each being added to the superhero community. (I so badly want to give sam plant powers here, but even if she does, i think she'd make the argument and ensure her place in the community as a "normal" like the bats before dropping the, "oh btw i have powers.")

Where is jazz for all of this? She has to be out of the house or uncharacteristically oblivious to miss danny in the lab. I believe college tours are a common excuse for her. And what was she doing during the two months? Also, did desiree remove her memories?

From her perspective, she's gone for a few days and when she gets back (for maximum shock/crack value, while the bats are still there treating danny):

Danny is gravely injured

The justice league is securing the town

Fudging *batman* is in her living room, *demasked*, calling danny his son! (Is that bruce wayne?!)

The other bats are making themselves at home, cooking food, destroying the lab, and guarding her parents that are tied up unconscious in their room

Sam and tucker are halfway through a powerpoint detailing the warzone in amity park (that doesnt at all match what she saw driving back into town)

"Danny, what the hell?" She manages to deadpan through her utter bafflement.

Danny, as eloquent as ever, fighting injuries, pain, pain meds, etc, "our parents are assholes, desiree learned her lesson, and batman is our new dad now. Deets later, when im not high off my rocker."

Jazz facepalms. Red robin offers her a mug of coffee. (Is that tim drake-wayne?!)

"Congrats. Its a dad," danny, for some reason, feels the need to tack on.

"Guess im going to gotham u," jazz mutters, falling into a kitchen chair. (She was eyeing it pretty hard for its psychology program, but she thought it's be a hard sell to danny for being in gotham.)

Lastly, vlad masters. If he doesnt remember anything, then he sees the bats swoop in and rescue danny before he even realized danny was in danger. He is baffled and infuriated. Days later, danny's adoption into the wayne family enrages him. I kinda want him to attempt something to get costody, only to get smacked down by tuckers' security footage from the two months that never were, just to try to give him perspective of how royally fucked he was during those two months and an explanation why the bats knew to rescue him.

He is also very plainly informed that he's on the justice league's watchlist by danny's recommendation, so he better behave.

I think thats everything i have to add right now.

The bats have so many folks around, even if they aren't always working together. Enough that folks like to joke/write about Danny just kinda showing up acting like he already lives there. He just kinda blends in.

I'd love to see more magic motivated versions of this. Some kind of spell that affects the bat's perceptions of the past and present, making them actually miss that this boy wasn't with their family too long ago. Maybe it changes their understanding like it's a time line shift, maybe it fogs their mind just a tad and makes them glaze past something like it wasn't even there. I like the second if only because I feel like that would make it more likely for the bats to realize a spell was a foot.

Imagining this from Danny's side, hes terrified this whole time of getting found out. He knows how and when he showed up here and maybe even how flimsy whatever magic is in place is. Imagining a Desiree wish that was either very carefully worded or Not so carefully worded. Maybe he placed himself with the Wayne family with the expectation that he would quietly mooch of some rich idiot until he was ready to be on his own. Or maybe he wished himself to be a part of the batclan, taking up a mask and patroling with them as a bird that Doesn't Exist.

Ofc eventually the spell has to be broken, leaving the bats confused worried scared angry probably even amused, and a billion other things. WHY did this teenager decide to adopt himself into the Wayne/bat family? Who the hell is he and where did he come from. Someone call Zatanna, there is some magic Fuckery going on.

[atlabeth]

transferred part six - atla smau

TRANSFERRED - zuko x fem!reader

masterlist | part 5 | part 7 

summary: trying to run from your past is hard, but falling for your brother’s roommate is even harder. little do you know that he’s falling for you as well. 

warning(s): mentions of toxic relationships, cursing, very unnecessary details resulting in a very uninteresting chapter. sorry 

a/n: guys thank you so so SO much for all the love you’re giving this series oh my god. i didn’t think this many people would like it but!! im so glad you all are. i love you all so much mwah. also this is a bit of a filler chapter but thats okay

taglist: @ourbestfriend-mishacollins @lil-lex1 @xxshad0wxb1rdxx @zuko-is-the-sun @akiris @irohs-teapot @thatarthistorynerd @charlenasaxen @minninugget @marvel-ousnesss @count-thotticus @what-ye-egg​ @furblrwurblr @thesstuff @mariachiii @ietss​

After getting the text from Zuko you grabbed your bag from the spot next to you and hurried over to his car, hopping in the passenger seat and setting your bag on the floor below you. The two of you exchanged smiles and Zuko started to drive as you got settled. 

“So, how was your first day of classes? Is BSSU as great as you imagined?” You expected him to push you further about what happened earlier, but he didn’t. You appreciated that more than he knew. 

You chuckled and shrugged. “I think it’s a little too early to tell, but I am enjoying my classes. I got to take an online course a while back as a sort of trial run to see if I would like how things were here, and being in person was even better. It’s so much bigger than Kyoshi and I’m into that. I like being able to just.. be another person in the scheme of things.” 

Zuko nodded and was about to say something when he suddenly slammed on the brakes. You jolted forward but were stopped by Zuko’s arm, which was held out in front of you as he honked his horn at a car that had gone across the intersection without waiting. 

You told yourself that his reaction was pure instinct, you even did it with your passengers when you were driving, but you couldn’t ignore how fast your heart was beating. Just adrenaline from the quick stop. Get over yourself. 

“You okay?” He asked, quickly looking over at you before his eyes settled back on the road. 

“Yeah,” you said as you fiddled with your hands in your lap. “Just unexpected. And no offense to your driving, but I miss being at the wheel, and I hate making you drive me places. Shame fixing my car is probably gonna cost a ton of money that I don’t have.”

“Y/N, I’ve already told you that I don’t mind driving you places. We live in the same place and we go to the same place every day so it’s not inconvenient at all. But if you’re worried about money, I can put in a word for you at my uncle’s teashop. I’ve been working there since my freshman year of high school just to take a break from school, and it’s surprisingly nice. It pays more than minimum wage too, so it’s probably better than anything else you could get.” 

“Are you saying that I can’t get a good job?” You asked with mock contempt. 

“Oh, uh- no! Of course not! I just mean that you’re in college and you’re desperate for work so you’ll probably end up getting a minimum wage job anyways and minimum wage work isn’t bad but it’s not great for keeping yourself afloat and—” Zuko cringed as he dug himself into an even deeper hole, and you laughed at how adorable he was. 

“Calm down Zuko, I’m just teasing you. That’s a really generous offer, but—”

“You’re not being a burden, you’re not imposing, you’re not making things difficult, and I’m not doing this because I pity you. Y/N, I’m trying to help you because I want to help you.” He glanced over at your stunned expression and gave a slight smile. “Does that cover all your self-deprecating bases?” 

You had known the man for less than a week and somehow he was already able to see right through you. You gave a slow nod, still getting over your shock, and smiled back. “Yeah, actually. I guess if it’s really okay with you, then... I’d love to get an interview.” 

The two of you smiled at each other for a moment before your eyes focused on a sign outside of his window and you cursed under your breath. “Actually, Zuko, can you drop me off here? I promised a friend that lives in the city that I would meet her at a cafe to talk about what’s been going on the past few years, and I almost forgot. It’s right over there — she can give me a ride home.” 

He nodded and pulled into an open spot on the side of the street, unlocking the doors once he had stopped the car. You grabbed your bag and got out of the car, grinning at him as you did so. “Thank you so much for the ride and all of the future rides and the job interview and for letting me live with you and for literally everything you’ve already done for me. I’ll see you tonight!” 

You waved as you ran off and he smiled as he returned the wave, very much thinking about how this mirrored the scenario this morning. This time though, he was thinking about you with happiness instead of confusion. Zuko already liked you, and he was looking forward to becoming closer as time went on. It wasn’t anything romantic as far as he knew, but spending time with you was.. nice. And in between living together, working in anthro together, and hopefully becoming coworkers at the Jasmine Dragon, he was going to be able to hang out with you plenty. 

He stayed in the spot until he was sure that you had gotten into the cafe safely, then he pulled out and continued on the way home. 

~~woohoo timeskip. this is the next morning~~ 

[chronicals-of-top-surgery]

25 days post OP 6/20/22

Jeez, five days have passed already?? Time is FLYING by.

Well, a day or two ago I took a nice hot shower and because I wasn't super concerned about water getting into places it shouldn't (which was a concern when my nipples weren't fully attached yet) I was able to get everything cleaned. Sadly, I need to exfoliate because just rubbing my shoulders made a ton of gross, dead skin fall off.

Speaking of gross dead stuff falling off, the hot steam got the scabs really loose. My right nipple has almost no scabbing now and my left lost a TON. It's seemingly very healthy and pink and perfect under there. The top is weirdly not super smoothed down to the skin or flush, it's raised around the top edge but I think it'll smooth itself out and be fine.

Though, while I was gently lifting away the scab bits that were flaking and falling off anyways, one bit of scab gave a weird amount of resistance. Turns out, there's a fuckin SUTURE hiding under the scab!! Like a whole stitch, hiding, totally missed by the doctor 2 weeks later. I sent him a text and showed some pics and he said I'm healing up perfectly, I look amazing, and that the suture will dissolve and fall away on its own so just don't bother it and it'll be fine.

I only have 6 more days of wearing my chest wrap too. Ive been taking breaks for a few hours at a time. Just letting everything breathe and relax a little, especially when the wrap is just not cooperating and is rolling up and sitting on my scars weird which hurts. My sides do hurt but I think it's from the wrap and laying on my sides. I've been able to sleep on my sides a little but I keep just rolling back over to sleep on my back again.

Everything is super sensitive. Especially in the center of my chest between the two scars and like in between where my breasts used to be, it's just really tender to touch. Like touching a super raw sunburn, or (and maybe only my fellow autistic folks will really get this one) when someone pets or rubs you in the same spot over and over for too long it starts to hurt? Yeah that sensation. Really uncomfortable. It feels better with the wrap on it and nothing brushing up against it but my whole chest is just sensitive in a bad way

For some reason, right below my nipple and a little to the outside, it's hard as rock. Idk what that's about bc the rest of my chest is more squishy. I'm guessing it's muscle?? Or part of the suturing? Idk, it doesn't hurt, just a little strange note. It's on both sides, mostly the left, so I'm assuming it's normal.

I still am trying to not really stretch, I still haven't done any heavy lifting, pushing, or pulling. I plan to keep it that way for another month, hell, until I'm moving out for college (3 months total healing). I want to be CERTAIN I don't cause any damage and I want my scars to heal as pristinely as possible, and right now I have the luxury to do so. Besides, as of right now, if I stretch a bit too far or push a bit too hard, it does hurt. I haven't had anything besides a twinge of achey pain or a quick pinch but id rather listen to those little hints of pain telling me to stop while I'm ahead and not push it further.

Ive got my online college orientation tomorrow so I have that to look forward to. I also need to start talking to my boss about when I'll be returning. But I can worry about that tomorrow. I still have 10 days before my leave ends, I'm not on the very last second of planning. It's still flexible and calm and I'm not gonna freak myself out over a minimum wage job. The only reason I haven't quit is because I want to transfer to a store in the college town and take advantage of tuition reimbursement.

So yeah! It's going good, I'm taking it easy still, healing is nice, I'm no longer stressed about my nipple because it turns out it's scab was just a LOT thicker than my right one, and everything is healing good! Im outside of the scary zone now, no more fear that a nipple will fall off or that something will get infected. Now it's just a gentle waiting game for the sutures inside to heal and dissolve away and for my scars to settle and start permanently healing. It won't be completely healed for like 3 years (the deep scar on my hand took about that long to go from reddish pink to my skin tone) but I just need to make it to the period where I'm safe to work out again which I think is like 3 ish months? I'm fine with that honestly. I'm not going to start working out again until I have the campus gym accessible to me.

I'll keep updating this periodically! Im really fond of this blog and all like 3 people who follow it, and it's a great archive for myself and my memories. Somehow being in Miami simultaneously feels like yesterday and a year ago. I miss my companion, I miss how much he doted on me and cared for me. Of course my mom dotes on me too but that's a good mom for ya, I love and appreciate it but I still yearn for him too. Little bit of gay yearning never hurt anyone yeah? Yeah. I'll keep updating here as I go along and heal! Until the next post!

[botheredbuck]

hi hello my name is leo and here’s the post that literally no one asked for about how three by sleeping at last is written for one evan buckley (with lyric references!)

maybe i’ve done enough  and your golden child grew up 

listen this is literally about the buckley parents. he spent so long trying to be the perfect son for his parents, trying to solve whatever he’d done to them, trying desperately to just be enough for them and breaking himself in the process. he literally tore himself apart trying to be just something to them. he talks to maddie when he visits her in the hospital (in buck begins) about them thinking he’s a loser and literally begs her to believe him when he says he’s going to be something one day. that’s the effect his parents had on him. and when his parents come back in what’s your grievance/buck begins and he finally gets to tell them how they made him feel his whole life, and that convo with them at the end of buck begins, i think that’s the beginning of him kind of being able to say i’ve grown up now, and yeah what you did will always hurt me but i can move past it now, because i have my own family, i’ve found somewhere where i actually belong. and with the 118, he doesn’t have to be that golden child 

(sure, there’s the protective, kinda mentoring instinct between him and bobby that we see a lot through the early parts of season one especially, but even with that there’s never this expectation that buck’s gotta be perfect - gotta be the golden child. bobby’s trying to help him be a better firefighter and grow as a person but there’s never that pressure that there was with his parents. 

oh and hey maybe that’s why the lawsuit happens because the whole thing about bobby holding him back feels too much like his parents underestimating him, never believing in him (they think i’m a total loser maddie, and i’m not, i’m not okay- i’m gonna be something, i just- don’t know what yet) and it’s hard beause bobby has never made him feel like that but it’s just a little too close)

maybe this trophy isn’t real love 

this lyric. i do not give it enough appreciation but holy fuck. okay but, its like- it fits well with this whole idea that buck grew up with that he always had to deserve love, yanno? like his parents’ neglect basically taught him that he had to be putting himself in danger and hurting himself to be worth even attention. and it’s like- with the 118, he’s finally getting to realise that maybe that’s not how love is supposed to work. he’s been brought up with the idea that he needs to work for this love because otherwise if he’s not good enough people will leave. and this doesn’t even finish with his parents. this goes all the way through to abby, to ali. he has this deep rooted fear that if he’s not good enough then people will leave him, because that’s all he’s really had. and then this lyric- it’s like, him realising that this version of love that his parents fed him isn’t real love, isn’t how parents should love their kids, or how families should care for each other. and it’s just buck’s realisation that this tokenistic love isn’t something that he has to settle for, because it’s not real love. 

and with or without it i’m good enough maybe i’ve done enough 

this kinda carries on from the first point but it’s like, buck finally getting to realise that he doesn’t need his parents love to be worth shit. like his whole childhood he was just trying to be what his parents wanted in the desperate hope that they would see him. and now he’s found this place he really belongs and in the 118 he’s found these people he really belongs with, and it’s like- suddenly he doesn’t need to try- doesn’t need to work to be loved. and it’s like, he’s realising that he doesn’t need to change himself to be worth shit. 

a mess of a story i’m ashamed to tell  but i’m slowly learning how to break this spell 

this- it’s just- the whole thing about buck getting therapy in s4. for so long he’s not really talked to anyone about the shit he’s been through, like even we see in what’s your grievance that the 118 basically know nothing about the buckleys. because buck doesn’t even talk about his past to them really, because he’s so ashamed of it. but him finally being able to go to therapy and work on it, it’s like- he’s slowly learning how to undo all this shit that his parents drilled into him, like about him never being good enough and about him having to work for their love and attention and change himself. and he’s finally learning, with therapy and with the 118 reteaching him all this shit about love (and not even romantic, like buddie is a whole other thing don’t even get me started, like familial love), how to get past his parents and realise that he is worthy of love, regardless of anything else. 

and i finally see myself  through the eyes of no one else 

oh shit but this is important and all right. like. it’s just a little thing but it’s like, buck trying to move on from letting what other people thought of him control him. i think this is something that he’s working on, and something that comes with time, because i think it’s something we see a lot throughout the show. i think it kinda contributes to the whole buck 1.0 thing, like sure a lot of why he wants to move on from ‘buck 1.0′ is about moving on and being a better man and stuff but i think it’s also this thought of being embarrassed of himself, almost? idk but look he has a lot of issues with seeing himself as good enough without the influence of others and i think this lyric links a lot to that. 

now i only want what’s real to let my heart feel what it feels 

again this fits with the whole therapy thing as well but it’s like- throughout the show he’s always been a very heart-on-his-sleeve kinda guy. like that’s just who he is. but like this- to let my heart feel what it feels - its like about him being allowed to be proud of how far he’s come and everything he’s been through with his parents and even after that. and its about him allowing himself to love unashamedly and without fear of people abandoning him, and not like letting that fear stop him from loving. and like yeah im gonna touch on buddie here bc like, it’s like after all this shit, everything that the two of them have been through, it’s like, that line is like him letting himself feel that for eddie, whatever it is. because for so long he’s not let himself get that connection after abby because she hurt him like that and he’s not let himself have this connection with eddie out of fear that it’s not going to be reciprocated or tat he’s a terrible person for falling in love with his best friend or some shit but it’s like- that line is like him allowing himself to feel that, and like that just being okay? like he’s finally getting to accept that he’s fallen in love with this increibleman and his incredible son and the life that he’s built with them, and like it’s about buck falling in love with that life and trusting that it’s not going to disappear from under his feet. and that takes buck a lot of courage because he’s only ever had people that left. and so he’s finally letting his heart feel , and letting his heart guide him, because he deserves it. 

and like even out of a buddie context, with the rest of the 118, it still applies. this shit about letting his heart feel what it feels, it’s like- letting himself believe that this life is something that he can have, that he can settle into, that he can keep. it’s like- he can love these people, and not have to see them leave. and that’s a revolutionary thing for buck, but it’s so freeing. 

and leave my greatest failures on display  with an asterisk  worthy of love anyway

holy fuck this is like, my favourite lyric ever okay but again it’s this idea that he has to work to be loved. he has to fight for attention and for appreciation and for love and like this lyric, it’s about him being able to move on from that and realise that he’s worthy of love at his rawest, without all this work and putting himself at risk. and sure im going back on my buddie bullshit for this but like- it’s eddie that makes him realise this. sure it’s the influence of the whole 118 and maddie and shit but it’s eddie most of all. eddie, who has dealt with his bullshit first hand (the whole jealousy thing in 2x01) and come through it by his side, still wanting to be his friend. eddie, who appreciates him and helps him and supports him and trusts him with his son. eddie, who forgives him, even when, yeah, sometimes he doesn’t need forgiving but then it’s eddie that tells him that (the post-tsunami stuff at the end of 3x03) and reassures him that he’s worthy. eddie, who fights by him and for him and desperately, constantly, tries to make him realise he’s so much more than what his parents deem him to be. eddie, who tells him that he doesn’t have to apologise just for existing and expecting the bare minimum of love from his parents (the boxing scene in - i think? - 4x04). eddie, who fights to get back to him. eddie, who trusts him so much with christopher that he’ll change his will for him. eddie, that loves him. right at his rawest, without all that work, with all his greatest failiures on display. because it’s eddie who’s seen most of that shit, and it’s eddie who’s stayed. who’s made him realise he’s worthy of love, anyway. 

...um

thank you for coming to my ted talk listen to three by sleeping at last and tell me that there is at least some sense in this pls im driving myself up the wall istg

[elysianslove]

i literally cannot be it’s actually been this long since ive given an update, but basically we started talking for a while and my best friend ended up texting him cus they wanted to meet him n whatever 💔and they found out that he apparently really liked me and that literally made me piss straight blood like aint no way you fr rn⁉️ i didnt do anything when they told me besides yk like scream and sob but like he started getting more comfortable with me in person and started sitting with me and whatever and like i impulsively… asked him out🙏literally i had to have been on crack cus what the hell n he was like “i actually was gonna do that but i didnt know if you were gonna be comfortable with me asking” like yo what. so he was like okay but i wanna ask you in person cus the dude likes my humiliation ig and uhm yeah so we’re dating and next sunday is our first month together and YEAH IDK AAAAA hes so whipped apparently like i cry. he did tell me his schedule got changed so he was no longer in the teaching assistant class but instead he was in study hall so sometimes he skips study hall and stays in my psych class and sits with me for the period. like my teacher was out like two weeks ago and he stayed w me and we watched wandavision together n he like drew on my palm and i. yo. cmon bro like i

i have very strict parents as well and hes well aware but does not. care😕💔like anytime i mention i feel bad we cant go out to places he just says if i want him to wait until im allowed to go out, he’ll willingly wait. and reassures me he doesnt mind not doing things like other couples around us. so he started making a list of all the dates he wants to take me on when im finally able to go out so that way he doesnt forget

maybe ppl are gonna yell at me for being so whipped for the bare minimum but ykw idc🙄he doesnt pressure me into doing things- like he prefers we go at my pace. my friend made a joke about if i annoy him for him to kiss me and he was like “id only do that if they were ready for it, i wouldnt want to make them uncomfortable but ill keep that in mind” and i wanted to cry bricks out of my eyes

-grey, absolutely whipped

grey what the fuck are u shitting my dick rn 😟 WHAT YHE FUCKENJENEKDKD WHAT YHE FUCJ listen listen i need to say mashallah to protect u from evil eye CAUSE ???2$2$&2 HELLO ??2?$2 THATS SO FKN SWEET !!!!!! and it’s ok that’s ur whipped for the bare minimum it’s hard to find shit like this these days !!!!!! im just. im honestly just SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR YOU !!! you went from being too scared to talk to him TO DATING HIM IM SO PROUD OF YOUUUU AHHWHBEJEJE

AHHHHHHH

IM SO !!!!!!! FKN HAPPY FOR U !!!!!!!!! PLS I LOVE Y SM AND IM SO PROUD AND I WISH U AND HIM THE ABSOLUT EBEST TRULY YOURE AMAZING ILY

[sidneycarter]

For fic research purposes and the fact my brain can’t do math or anything that involves brainwork - when do you think Sullivan joined the police force and how quickly do you think he rose through the ranks? He’s a smart guy with ambitions so it was quick I’m sure but I just can’t do the math 😂

ooooooh this is a good question!!! *flexes fingers* ramble incoming

ok so i think Sullivan joined the police relatively quickly after the second world war. We know he fought in that thanks to his medals (and the fact that he was mentioned in dispatches), and we can guess that due to his age (34 ish?) that he was in the war all the way through (c.20 years old at the outbreak).

I don’t think he would’ve started in the force before this, and in fact he might not have been able to. i found a record in Hansard (the parliamentary recordings) talking about attracting new officers, and it talks about young men starting at the age of 20. (i didn’t read the whole thing and this may just mean that’s the average they joined, so idk). I know you didnt ask this but i think he probably worked in an office-y type setting before? maybe in a lawyers office or something similar doing secretarial work etc.

BUT i think almost immediately after the war he decided to join the police, maybe after a bit of rest. I think he moved up the ranks relatively quickly? Sullivan is eager to please so i feel like he’d go for promotions asap and I think he would’ve had time to do it.

Idk exactly how it worked back then so im going on research of modern day police SO when you first join you have to do two years probation in uniform (as a constable).

Then, providing you pass an exam and a few other things, you get a temporary promotion to Sergeant/detective sergeant for 12 months.

Then, when you’ve done another 2 years as a sergeant, before you could apply for a post as detective.

So bare minimum you’re going to need about 5 years to get to sullivan’s rank anyway. He’s obviously a pretty accomplished guy, given that he got the Queen’s police medal at the coronation, so I’m guessing that with a bit of give and take to allow for application times etc, Sullivan probably grabbed at those promotions and climbed up those ranks.

then he escaped to kembleford bc he couldn’t take the pressure of dealing with his overpowering father.

So in short, I think Sullivan probably joined up in c.1946, Became a sergeant c. 1948, became a detective c. 1951, and by 1953 was realising his dad was never gonna get off his back and so fled to the countryside.

i hope this is vaguely coherent??? and makes sense???? and i hope this helps???? idk ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR ASKING BBY!!!

[luque-moreau]

y'know i think its about time ive refurbished my psychonauts headcanons/theories

what??? me??? rewriting my psychonauts headcanons in a more comprehensible and informed way???

ye

alright, i think everyone knows what im talking about, by headcanons i mean headcanon as in singular, and as singular, i mean my "raz is somewhere on the spectrum of adhd".

so lets just get into it:

what is adhd actually?

adhd by definition stands for attention deficit hyperactive/hyperfocus disorder (yes, let me get into the details in just a sec). it is a nerodevelopmental disorder that is almost completely reliant on genetic factors, however conditions during pregnancy can sometimes contribute to certain aspects of how adhd manifests itself.

long story short, people with adhd have a smaller frontal lobe, and therefore less dopamine in general (even though yes, it is more complicated than that).

theres also a little bit of "chicken or the egg first" goin on here, certain behaviors or personality tendencies can also affect how adhd is presented in one individual to the next, however its still not clear if that is because it is an accommodating for a certain thought process or if someones experiences and personality shape their symptoms of adhd entirely. its a very blurry line, and the answer is different for everybody.

hyperactive type

hyperactive type is probably the closest to most stereotypical depictions of adhd, think the 5 year old whos parents brush off their child’s hyperactivity as something that will “go with age”. however, this isn’t only present in children, adults with adhd have to deal with a constant need for stimuli to make up for the lack of dopamine their current activity is providing them. this results in someone fidgeting frequently in repetitive or predictable motions, unable to hold attention to a specific task for long periods of time, or many other of the symptoms associated with adhd.(i sadly cannot provide more information in this area, i am not knowledgeable enough to...)

hyperfocus type

hyperfocus type is a tricky one, it can look like the complete opposite of adhd in theory. hyperfocus can look similar to special interests or hyperfixation, a great deal of time and knowledge dedicated to a very particular thing (although it is important to note that even though hyperfixations and special interests are incredibly similar, special interests is a term more typically used within autistic-circles, and isnt really the best word to use if you happen to be neurotypical). Think of maybe that kid who knows all the cool animal facts and won’t shut up about them. Its because certain trains of thought or activities might release more dopamine then others, so to get more of that dopamine, someone of hyperfocus type will be mentally unable to stop thinking or doing a very specific task or topic. this results in someone seemingly always spacing out, unable to change subjects or changing subjects too fast or with little to no correlation, or being completely unable to have enough motivation to do simple things.

personally i tend to fall under the category of hyperfocus myself rather than hyperactive, however the two are not mutually exclusive, its more common to find people with both types rather than just one. even myself, i might exhibit more tendencies to place me under the label of hyperfocus, but that doesn’t mean i don’t have any symptoms of the hyperactive type. its my personality that affects my mannerisms, which then makes certain aspects of my symptoms more or less apparent. Thats because im an INTP-T, i just tend to be more to myself and constantly in a state of thinking abstractly. I have trouble communicating and even sometimes recognizing my needs, and get to a point where im unable to do the simplest of things without feeling emotionally drained. Thats just my experience though, everybodys different. 

so what the fuck does this have to do with raz then?

well lets think about it, rather than have it just be me projecting myself onto a comfort character:

raz finds issue with connecting to kids his age

lets be honest. none of the campers really like raz that much. or at least some do the bare minimum to be try and be polite. it doesn’t seem like any of the other campers besides dogen, whos also socially outcasted, are really fond of raz. lili might like him, but that can definitely be interpreted as curiosity in someone new and different from the norm. It might not be that the kids despise him, but nobodys opinionated enough to care whether he is around or not.

social isolation is one of the most damning things i had to experience from an early age and still feel even today. there is a sense of feeling that you are different among your peers, whether that is a good thing or bad thing. it feels difficult to interact with other people you are not familiar with, and can really stunt you emotionally and socially. from a really early age, theres somethin in you that knows something is very different between the experiences of your peers compared to your own, and it can feel incredibly isolating.

raz and his borderline stupidity

time to get real again. raz is a fucking idiot. at least in the sense that sometimes his decisions seem incredibly spontaneous and not really thought through. he runs from home to attend a summer camp, not really thinking about the logistics of how he will get there, how the staff will react, how long its gonna take for his parent to find him, and so on. it doesn’t seem like he over or underestimates his abilities, he just goes for it without considering. that doesnt seem like the smartest thing to do, even though we know hes incredibly intelligent when it comes to larger, abstract situations. its the little details that he misses, small minuet things that seem unimportant that he overlooks, which can sometimes make things harder for him in the end.

i think its obvious that impulsivity is one symptom of adhd. however i cannot stress how difficult it is to think at supersonic speed and still feel incredibly stupid. i mean, thinking faster doesn’t inherently mean you will have better ideas, you can always be stupider faster, but being able to realize stupid mistakes or inconsistencies in your own thought process is annoying as hell. it feels like every time you try to recognize the issue, fix it, and move forward, you only end up not paying attention to another issue that gets bigger and more annoying than the first. Its always two steps forward, one step back, constantly making the same mistakes even though you try everything in your power to avoid them or grow as a person. The simplest of facts, ideas, or just things to remember end up being forgotten, and once youre reminded of them you remember them and feel like an idiot. however, arbitrary things and complex issues are much easier to digest and remember for me, things like history and the whole blame game charade of it all, biology and how every minuet thing has a greater impact on others and intertwines with every single factor of its environment, philosophy and theorizing why we think the way we do and what can be changed. but oh shit, im a dumbass i forgot to do my laundry. shit. god fuckin dammit.

empathy over sympathy

one of the basic themes of psychonauts is empathy. simple as that. raz goes around into other peoples brains, and tries to help them as much as he can, even if his efforts are not always successful in the way he intended. he never demonizes anyone to the point of unredeemability, and can empathize and understand other peoples perspectives. hes open to new ideas and

although some studies out there theorize that empathy is impaired due to adhd, from my perspective i feel like that is simply not true. if anything, i would say the sensitivity that comes with adhd (hypersensitivity) only enhances that empathy. i could definitely see social disconnection being one of the reasons it might appear that someone with adhd is less empathetic, however i would doubt that adhd would impair a persons empathy. adhd tends to also entail heightened emotions, this doesn’t necessarily mean a more outwardly emotional person, however it definitely shifts a persons perspective of their own emotions as well as others. the concept of hypersensitivity also completely contradicts the idea of people with adhd be less empathetic.

miscommunication and disconnect

sigh, the dad thing. yup. raz has that very iffy relationship with his dad at the beginning of the game which is eventually resolved. very abruptly, might i add. but thats not what this is about, thats a topic for another day. miscommunication seemed to be the root of the issue, however we only get razs side of the story. not to mention the severity of his claims and willingness to seemingly drop everything afterwards. kinda sus, ngl.

alright this ones a doosey. this, i feel, cements my theory pretty well. like i mentioned before, social disconnect and hypersensitivity are side effects of the symptoms of adhd.  this means people with adhd are highly more likely to either misinterpret someones words or actions if those in question are not completely transparent, its because they tend to overthink and interpenetrate responses with too much thinkin n such. the social disconnect makes a whole lot of it worse, it can just pile on top of already established feelings of inadequacy and isolation. and oversharing as a poor coping mechanism isnt an exclusively adhd related thing, it tends to be shared within similar neruodevelopmental disorders such as autism or even ptsd. i find it incredibly easy to disconnect myself from my own emotions at times and think critically at what i feel and how it affects me. which is a bad thing. if i dont acknowledge my emotions like they are my own for too long, everything falls apart. its not fun. but, that disconnect can make talking about certain more traumatic experiences or instances that had deep personal effects on my life and development as a person much easier to just share. and not always in an appropriate manner, comedic opportunity can be   v  e  r  y   enticing. this also explains why raz might have been able to drop everything about his dad after he apologized. he didn’t really, he probably still suffers just as much afterwards as he did before. but he probably wont realize that for awhile, since logically, the issue has been resolved. long story short, he has not had the time to cope, and to put that off he detaches himself from those feelings. w a c k

of course i have other reasons why i feel like raz could potentially have adhd, or at least be accurately represented in headcanon with adhd, some minor mentions being:

he uses his camp map as a journal to track his in-game progress, list of goals, and notes/snip-its of information. writing down information on some form of notepad or book is a common tool used by kids and even adults with adhd to help them keep track of minuet, individual tasks. its just using a planner, but with a bit more information. 

just from my personal perspective, the lengths raz goes to pursue his dream of being a psychonaut feel more like a special interest/hyper fixation sort of thing. he can jump between having genuine conversations with his fellow campers and just exploring the campground, to investing himself entirely in obtaining his goal, even when it seems almost impossible. thats some serious dedication to one very specific thing, y’know?

this one isnt as solid as the other but: m̶̖̰̯̫̍͝o̵̦͖̟͈̹̤̥̝͐̿̄̀̀̎̓ņ̶̛̭̠̐̊̆̍͝ķ̸̝͈̺̙̰̊e̶͉͚̼̅̔͗̂͐̍̕͝͝y̶̦̖̼͖̪͎̝̖̠̐̑͋̾̔̑́͐͘ ̵̢̲̘͎͉̔̀͒̄͌͊̀͌̀m̴̲̫̮̪̖̍̐͆̕͜͝ͅả̶͙͚͗n̶̗̳̩̙̘̼̦̦͇͝ ̷̡̨̡͔̗͕̘͍̥̑͒̎̐̃g̴͔̔̈̅̐̏́̌̔̈́́o̶̥̱̽̆̂͌̀͗ ̶̝̩͙͕͛́s̴̛͓̥̲̜͓͚̣̠̆̓̌͌p̶̜̹̯̦̫̯̣̎͐̽̉̾ḙ̴͇̬͑̈́̐̈́͘͠ͅȅ̶̡̗̞̩͔̫̪͈͑̓͗d̵̠͇͎̜͔͇͒̈́́̀̅̈́̒͘y̸̡̦̠̻̖̥̿ͅ. yeah, its the most generalizing reason but look, hes moving nonstop the entire game, climbing and running around the entire goddamn place wrecking havoc. a bit of imp can be found in most people with adhd if you look hard enough.

so thanks for reading this far i guess? im oversharing even right now with this, like an i d i o t but yknow what i dont want to read the great gatsby rn, so ive got nothin better to do. who knows, maybe the second game will give us more info to either support/discredit this theory? gotta wait for pn2 i guess

:^)

[irkenheretic]

okay i promised id do it and im doing it: Explaining The Plot Of That AU I’m Vague About: The Post

(as i was preparing to write this i actually got my 250th follower, which slapped)

so i’m just gonna start with the simple version, which is this: it’s a rebel AU which primarily centers around the tallest, who are both defective. they give up on trying to make any meaningful changes as figureheads, and instead direct their attention to being involved with the “neo defect revolution,” or NDR. they do manage to make one change as tallest- there is a garbage dump planet turned into a sanctuary for defectives (who in this au are executed once discovered,) and eventually enough of the populace finds out about it that the tallest have to deal with it. they finesse their way into kicking it out of the empire, so now it’s its own planet with its own rules, governments, and most importantly, immigration policies and protections

a lot of stuff happens and it’s gonna be structured using arcs, and each arc has a separate protagonist/deuteragonist/tritagonist lineup (but that doesnt mean the same lineup won’t be used multiple times!) and yes the insane list of OCs are for this au alone: some arcs are very OC-centric, some have OCs as supporting characters, and a couple are all-OC or mostly-OC. 

its going to be very longform and it’ll span from the tallest’s elite training days to twenty years after zim arrives on earth. (the 20 year gap btwn zim arriving on earth and the story proper isnt as tightly plotted as later tho.) the point is to see how a revolution on the scale of the NDR works, who was fucked over by defact laws, who was fucked over by other laws, etc. theres a lot of lore and a lot of headcanons i made for this AU and even a conlang. i am a being of hubris. itll be a series of fics, some multichapter and some oneshots. 

the series as a whole is gonna be called Invader Zim: Annexed or just Annexed for short. its a pun on an irken word that sounds similar but means the exact opposite. i am not explaining more bc itll be explained in the fic itself. but thats why the tag for it is #anx lmao

i didnt mean for this to be as long as it got but under the cut im gonna breakdown some of the early arcs:

so it all starts with a fanfic called Love Is The H-Word (no the “h-word” isn’t “hell.) it centers around red and purple as elites-in-training, who do a little whoopsie and have an egg. purple doesnt wanna smuggle it into a smeetery, bc then he’ll never see it again, so they go to the defect sanctuary (still a part of the empire at this point.) purple knows he’s defective while red has a hard time accepting that he is as well, due to events from his past. but being around all these other defects are starting to wear down his denial, and the fic is all about that. it also sets up some plot stuff, like how defects adopted a self-identifier in the word “heretic,” hence the sanctuary being named, “heretirk.” (hey look my url!) (no, the “h-word” is not heretic, either.) 

i dont wanna say what happens in that fic bc spoilers, but stuff Happens. its also when we meet some ocs that end up being important, and the existence of others are foreshadowed. this is also where we meet the tallests’ future advisor, rarl kove, for the first time, as a local who decides to keep them company. purple bonds with kove due to their shared interest in politics, while red reluctantly bonds with titch, a young irken (a smeet in heretirken standards, an adult in imperial standards- did i mention he and red are roughly the same age? lol) who is interested in military stuff and thrill-seeking and general destruction. titch is pissed because he claims his father is stealthing on devastis as a military commander, but won’t let titch sneak in as a soldier, as titch is deaf. 

(fun facts: in the au, “titch” is regional slang for “a little bit.” ironically, titch the character is above-average in height.)

due to titch’s deafness, he developed “gesturespeak,” irken sign language, so he can communicate. this existing becomes important later

a oneshot called invade the system is right after h-word in publishing order. it details zim’s exploits in leaving foodcourtia, where he was assigned and infiltrating the invading academy he eventually graduates from (in this au, zim is too short to be an invader, which sucks because the hight minimums for the military are really short to begin with lmao)

the fic chronoligically after H-Word focuses on red and purple being back in their platoon on devastis, specifically red navigating his training and his relationships with two defective platoonmates, pon and zi (who are in h-word a little,) after the realization that he too is defective. it also focuses on how the irken military works, and how they train their soldiers. 

the first arc overall focuses on red and purple going thru training and such, and ends after they graduate and are on the field, working to get commander rank. (they planned to gain commander rank then leave and go back to heretirk to train an army there, as heretirk has.... no army.) in the middle of this, they’re pulled out and told they are to become the next tallest. they debate over staying and taking the job or just running to heretirk, and they ultimately decide to stay.

the next arc i call the “bridge,” tbh. its less tightly plotted than the other arcs; fics are spread apart from each other chronologically and all that. it spans the time after the tallest being appointed to a little after zim arrives on earth. it also has a couple of anthologies focusing on imperial defects- each chapter is a new character. these guys are all important and the easiest way for me to introduce their backstories without cluttering everything up is anthology style, lmao. other things that happen are a look into how the tallest work, eventually culminating with the resolution of the tallest having to Deal With Heretirk, tenn’s rescue from meekrob, and zim on earth obtaining a half-irken smeet named pip due to stealing an Unethical Science Experiment from dib (which is pip.) the bridge is basically just. “heres some stuff that happens between point A and point B so when we get to point B you’re not confused as all hell.” 

the next arc focuses on zim. in the first fic, pip is sick and zim is trying to get into his neighbor’s pants, to cope. this basically sets up that zim in this au has no idea how to find personal fulfillment in living- he’s only OK if he focuses on pleasing someone else, be it taking care of pip or doting on the neighbor, some rando human named piqu (pronounced, “peek.”) this is mainly a cute romance story with the underlying veneer of “a child is slowly and painfully dying” in the background. fun! 

without spoiling the circumstances, zim and pip end up on heretirk, which at this point is its own independent planet. pip is in the hospital for most of it so zim has to do his own thing. computer fans rejoice bc hes basically zims dad at this point, who tells him to go outside and get some fresh air and talk to the locals instead of schmooping or screaming in anxiety. im sneakily introducing more characters like ini, the “next-gen zim;” a short bio-engineer (she works on PAKs) who was constantly passed over by everyone because they dont trust someone that short or they dont trust someone that spazzy, even though shes actually brilliant. also her brother mo, who’s a pilot that NOBODY will teach military-class ships to (at this point, HTK has a population of ex-military that had their old ships, but still no formal army) because he doesnt talk and they think hes “slow” as a result. for the curious, he is physically able to talk most times, he just doesnt like it. zim ends up teaching him how to fly military-class which ends up being important laterrr

(haha ini and mo. wheres meenie and minie? ILL GET TO THEM)

no really, theyre quadruplets. named ini, myni, minie, and mo. these are real characters. 

minie isnt introduced till later. shes too cool to be the side character in someone elses arc. she is feel uncomfortable when we are not about her.

myni is busy palling around with pip and pip’s friend “elly” (real name elevenn, with two N’s.) elly is a half-meekrob War Crime Baby and tenn’s smeet. he has vision problems (he can “see” energy signatures of things, as opposed to conventional sight. everything is monochrome and he has to really focus to see like, words on a paper. also fuck tablets) but the trade-up is telekinetic powers (that he cant use too much or his brain will melt. fun!) this isnt relevant until the arc AFTER zim’s, where they end up poking around a historical site due to myni’s interest in that kind of thing, and they find logs of an old revolution (that was actually pretty successful in their goal, before they were caught and executed,) that lead them to a man named lefy. he helps with revolutions and helped these guys, and the trio go to seek him out; myni because he wants to impress his parents with helping them, pip because after they’ve recovered enough to walk around and do stuff, feel like they need to justify the choice to save their life and make their dad proud and all that, elly because he doesnt want pip to get hurt and die. And thats where the stuff REALLY starts happening and i cant tell u more sorry

this seemed kind of disjointed but thats bc i cant really be too detailed otherwise id like.... spoil it lmfao. but thats the summary of the first few arcs.

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated

onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one

onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths

onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality

onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system

onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..

onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this

Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did.  I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl. 

I think kabu and minatos relationship  is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they don’t understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over.   you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what?? I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.

I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like you’ve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationships between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because he’s empathetic. Like I’m not sure about compassion but he’s very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. That’s how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothing’s done even tho he’s apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. I’m gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but I’m gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didn’t know how to navigate around it also because it’s heavily implied he’s going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why they’re good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (it’s a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. It’s the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think we’re led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end it’s clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesn’t only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters he’s like I’ll pretend I don’t hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesn’t berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isn’t it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. There’s probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows he’s supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? He’s like well.. that looks like someone else’s problem if they notice *goes and vapes* it’s so funny how little minato cares but it’s also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things he’s complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I don’t know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think it’s interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think it’s one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 I’m really extrapolating here but I think it’s very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like it’s almost the end of the world and he’s strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think that’s gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think that’s also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like he’s a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how it’s managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and that’s why kabu let’s minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. It’s why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesn’t get it at all and it means it’s goodbye forever. But it’s still not enough to save either of them. Minato can’t save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and I’m not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u can’t help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesn’t even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but I’m still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I don’t like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay I’m done. Also it’s kinda hard for me to look like I’m agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time